when you come back down...

so much can change in a matter of minutes. i dont even know what to say, i just want to talk to something and noone is here. if gas wasnt so expensive i would be in my truck, blasting through the streets of nashville, feeling, for a moment, like the world was behind me in my rear view mirror just flying out of sight. but then i would probably get pulled over or hit by an 18-wheeler and the world would just catch back up to me and sit in the passenger seat, and stick its tongue out at me, and i would tell mom but she would just yell at me for being a tattle tell, then i wouldnt get a snack later, and when it comes to playing ball with the guys later...well i can forget that now cant i. man, dam world, get the hell out of my passenger seat. life sucks, i suck at life, so at least it's convenient. vandy is 4 and 0 so i got that going for me.

am i the only one who has people that make the saying "cant live with them, cant live without them" completely true. it just seems like there are some people who i would walk across fire to avoid seeing but i wonder about them all day long. everytime a particular person leaves my side i feel like cussing and punching the crap out of a wall. i yell alot when im alone, its good to get stuff out. is that weird? yeah i thought so to. ive pretty much given up on the idea of sleep. my sleep button must be broken, because i have no desire to sleep at night, but during the day i could take a nap on the spot. alot of it comes from the fact that i lie down at night and all i can do is think. think about everything and nothing at the same time. i pretty much have no control of my life...i dont think God should help me because i dont help him, i dont want anybody elses help either, my attitudes or feelings are nothing that can be controlled by any other man. it is my choice to feel this way, so i should face the consequences of being me. i know the answers and the path is out there, but somehow here is gone. tommorrow is another day, another love, another rumour, another lie. what do i do when everybody else moves on? so what if i've lost myself, so what if i have lost my way, i'll find life through someone else. but how long till i throw it all away.? what do you do? no one can decide it's up to you and who you are is what you choose. these times when the world falls apart make us who we are. what happens when your dreams are all on the ground, do you pick up the pieces from all around? i just need to get over myself, thats all. i wish somebody would kick my ass.

i dont even know why i am here.

You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does... -tom petty

Believe

you know it was 4 years ago today that we all watched as our country had the breath knocked out of it on september 11, 2001. its so amazing how fast time goes by, 4 years has gone by on a time when most thought the world would never move again. i skipped school that day and sat at home and heard about the first plane flying into the tower, and all i thought was how unfortunate it was for all the people in the plane. just a few minutes later i was on the road listening to the bob and tom show and they announced that another plane had hit and they mentioned the idea of a terrorist attack. i never made it into my school, i drove to my fire dept. and sat around a tiny tv and watched with a large group of fire fighters, i watched as hundreds of fire and police ran into a building that everyone else was desperate to leave. 59 police and 352 firefighters never again got to see their wives or children. i didnt know anyone there, but a few days later i just laid down under a tree and cried. it was the worst day of my life. it sucks that it took something like this for our country to do some good, and up until a few weeks ago when katrina ravaged the coast, it seems like we had lost that spirit to do good, to band together and dominate the badness that happens to our own people. remember what september 12th or 13th was like? everyone was in a daze, but everyone was ready to help. lines at donation centers, waiting list to give blood, people lined the streets for firefighters and police who were just driving down the road. tragedy tends to show the best of people...maybe we should live our lives like one big tragedy.

Think about the love inside the strength of heart

Think about the heroes saving life in the dark

Climbing higher through the fire, time was running out

Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive

But you still came back for me

You were strong and you believed

Think about the chance I never had to say

Thank you for giving up your life that day

Never fearing, only hearing voices calling out

Let it all go, the life that you know, just to bring it down alive

And you still came back for me

You were strong and you believed

Wanna hold my wife when I get home

Wanna tell the kids they'll never know how much I love to see them smile

Wanna make a change or two right now

Wanna live a life like you somehow

Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile

Think about the love inside the strength of heart

Think about the heroes saving life in the dark

Think about the chance I never had to say

Thank you for giving up your life that day

-Yellowcard

"Again today, we take into our hearts and minds those who perished on this site four years ago, and also those who came to toil in the rubble to bring order out of chaos, to help us make sense of our despair. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here"

Could it be any better than this?

lets just start out with the fact that i just had one of the best weekends ever!

Friday- i hop in my truck and drive to the cabin and had the opportunity to be truly alone for the first time in forever. i sat on a huge rock with a fishing pole and just thought about the stuff that needed to be thought about. i watched as the blue sky was invaded with orange while the sun disapeered behind the mountains above the lake. a little later all the nino's showed up and the fun was on! we played one of the most intense games of catch phrase of all time. and even though the score was 4 to 2 the unethical bastards known as the girls team took the game in a crucial last round rebirth. after that some of us went canoeing, some of us walked around in nature, and the rest of us told ghost stories. its so good just to hang out and have ZERO stress around you. no people who are proned to have dramatic occurences around them. just fun. after everyone got back to the cabin most settled down, i had some quality pillow talk with my wife of 15 years, aka BFF megan, and got to hang out with drew and other BFF hananah.

Saturday-we wake up and half of us have to go home, pretty much everyone from michigan couldnt take roughing it at the cabin so they left us. so then we shot some weaponry, fished, megan tried on a wetsuit and then took it off due to the fact that it was "to revealing" and then we swam. finally after a brief nap we head back to the LU. night time rolls around and hananah and young nasty boy cooked dinner while megan cursed angrily at ohio states performance. then me and drew sat in the floor laughing histerically for about 30 minutes, trying to light farts on fire.

Sunday- Church. Food. Titans (who sucked it up). then i just hung around until dinner, ate some spaghetti, and went and watched a great movie.

"Tommorrow is going to be better than today, and today was good." -P.R.

MAGIC MIDGETS, i would pay to see that!

have you ever noticed that everything in our world these days somehow eventually comes back to our blogs and how i am either gay or not dating anyone? well i have, im not gay, and ive tried the dating thing and apparently it doesnt fit for me. eventually, at some point, someone, out there, will mention something about a blog, and i love it. i think this crap is wicked awesome. so lets get back to my life. tonite is the first night i have ever spent alone in this apartment, and let me tell you i'm kinda scared. if you knew where i grew up you would know that any noise or anything like that is a weird occurrence. no vehicles, no people walking their dogs, no dog shit in my yard, no noise, and now i am here sitting in this house all alone and there are noises all around me, cars, people, silent dog farts, and the god awful door always sounds like someone is coming through it! yeah it will be one of those nights where i wake up everytime my air conditioning alarm sounds off. i swear someone stands outside my window and whistles scary tunes all the time. man i am in one of those moods where i could blog forever, ive got a lot of anger and crap that i could talk about. drews gone, dawsons MIA, who's going to tuck me in tonite? who am i going to tell my problems? thats why i have you blog!

i had fun hanging out with the pacellas tonite, was a little dissapointed by the blatant lie that i have been believing for the last like year. who knew? not me. im a moron. i was outsmarted by the best though! and lauren believed it to so that should make me feel better, right? we had some great food and told some good ole' stories and it was just all around a fun night. chuck pacella is my hero. especially if he tells on betsy for having mur in her room, not the stuff that baby jesus got either.

Plotzer (AKA "zer") goes to paris island on monday for marine basic training. so its time to throw it down old school on sunday! oh and good news J.G. will be attending the throw down, whats a party without a good old awkward ex-relationship there, not any fun if you ask me. it will be fun though if someone takes care of those goats! last time i had fun like this i was accosted by a group of renegade goats that thought it to be hilarious to bite my pants and try and head butt me. i, however, did not find this humorous at all, in fact, i found it ludicrous, and proceded to try and end the goats world. at this date i am still unsucsesful at this endeavour. bite me again goat, i will beat you with my hickory stick! zer be safe, show those marines how to be tough, and how i will miss thee. the following are quotes from zer himself, most of which came in some type of drunken rage... since this can be viewed by women and children we will censore the greater majority of them out.

"you want me to go to lipscomb? well now youve had just one to many, youve become irrational, lay down and think about what you just said and get back to me later when you can make more sense!"

"we dont tell me what to do."

"i'm a dominator, look at that trail of tears, yeah im a dominator all right."

"b b b baby you just aint seen nothing yet!"

"ahhh the persion kitty has arrived."

"one day you to will know the amount of awesomeness you are currently witnessing!"

ZER HOW I WILL MISS THEE!

the following is a pretty cool little message from someone out there. i appreciate this message pretty inspirational i think. so if you know who this is let me know. i have my suspicions about this one girl who posts on people blogs under another name and likes to give advice so if this is you...thanks alot, good message, so good in fact that it replaces the normal song that goes here.

when all else fails said...
my god, where is this place you've taken me? lord don't you know that i can't see what's up ahead and that makes me scared my god, i hear your voice and you say to me i'll lead you beyond your wildest dreams child i hold all possiblities in my hand understand i've a plan for you...

Young nasty boy, im outta here!