when you come back down...

so much can change in a matter of minutes. i dont even know what to say, i just want to talk to something and noone is here. if gas wasnt so expensive i would be in my truck, blasting through the streets of nashville, feeling, for a moment, like the world was behind me in my rear view mirror just flying out of sight. but then i would probably get pulled over or hit by an 18-wheeler and the world would just catch back up to me and sit in the passenger seat, and stick its tongue out at me, and i would tell mom but she would just yell at me for being a tattle tell, then i wouldnt get a snack later, and when it comes to playing ball with the guys later...well i can forget that now cant i. man, dam world, get the hell out of my passenger seat. life sucks, i suck at life, so at least it's convenient. vandy is 4 and 0 so i got that going for me.

am i the only one who has people that make the saying "cant live with them, cant live without them" completely true. it just seems like there are some people who i would walk across fire to avoid seeing but i wonder about them all day long. everytime a particular person leaves my side i feel like cussing and punching the crap out of a wall. i yell alot when im alone, its good to get stuff out. is that weird? yeah i thought so to. ive pretty much given up on the idea of sleep. my sleep button must be broken, because i have no desire to sleep at night, but during the day i could take a nap on the spot. alot of it comes from the fact that i lie down at night and all i can do is think. think about everything and nothing at the same time. i pretty much have no control of my life...i dont think God should help me because i dont help him, i dont want anybody elses help either, my attitudes or feelings are nothing that can be controlled by any other man. it is my choice to feel this way, so i should face the consequences of being me. i know the answers and the path is out there, but somehow here is gone. tommorrow is another day, another love, another rumour, another lie. what do i do when everybody else moves on? so what if i've lost myself, so what if i have lost my way, i'll find life through someone else. but how long till i throw it all away.? what do you do? no one can decide it's up to you and who you are is what you choose. these times when the world falls apart make us who we are. what happens when your dreams are all on the ground, do you pick up the pieces from all around? i just need to get over myself, thats all. i wish somebody would kick my ass.

i dont even know why i am here.

You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does... -tom petty