what have i got to lose?

you know i dont even know whats going on here. i can handle all the stuff that happens. why cant i just be not here anymore (but only in a sense that i get to be around everyone that i want to, and everyone i dont want to see i simply dont see, and everything goes the way i want to instead of down the drain like it normaly does).

i have recently decided that thursdays, although normally filled with hockey and sanctuary, are the worst days ever. nothing that good ever seems to happen on a thursday. true its almost the weekend and people like weekends, but thursdays always, to me neways, seem to be filled with some type of bullshit. i wanted to do something so bad today that i could barely contain myself, and then i just didnt do it. not that i was lazy or uncaring on the matter, i just couldnt make myself do it, apparently with Bonnie (drews mail order bride) living with us for a few days my estrogen levels have risen and my balls sucked right back into my body. so i am a pansy and ended up running around in circles for two hours then drove my truck to the worst ghetto in the world and got lost and lucky for me there was a cop that hooked me up with directions to the interstate. i didnt care which interstate he told me to go to, any would have done nicely.

one hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm, while a thousand more go unspoken for. they say what good have you done by saving just this one. its like whispering a prayer in the fury of the storm. they say you'll never change things and no matter what you do its still the same thing. its not the world i am changing. i do this so this world will know it will not change me.